Locker Room Etiquette

Well this blog might be a little different than my others but something has to be said. As I jump from city to city, gym to gym, locker room to locker room, I have to say that not one city is better than the next when it comes to locker room etiquette. I really don't get it. Do people get to a ceartain age and feel that being naked around other men is completely okay.

The following are excerpts from yourtotalhealth.ivillage.com and serve as excellent guidelines for your next visit to the gym.

Rule #1: You are not a male model. Once you've exited the shower, there is no reason for you to remain naked. Wrap a towel around yourself. Get dressed. Do not put one leg up on a bench to dry off your feet in a crowded locker room. Do not use the hair dryer to dry the hair on your head while naked, and that goes triple for any hair you may want to dry elsewhere. If your locker room has a sauna and/or steam room, cover yourself up before you go in. If you can't bear to cover up, at least put a towel down before you sit ‑- for your own safety, as well as the safety and general comfort level of those who come after you.

So in 90% of the men locker rooms I've been in, the showers are open, and the big guy with the hairy back tends to take the shower right next to me. He then drys off, blow drys his hair (while still naked), and doesn't seem to put anything on till he absolutely has to.


Rule #2: Locker selection is key. If there are ample lockers available, there is no reason to take the one right next to the only occupied one. According to the law of probability as it applies to gym lockers, you and that person will need to get into yours at the exact same moment. This may result in, at the very least, discomfort, and at the very most, serious injury. Plus it's creepy.

It never fails. Rows and rows, aisles and aisles of lockers...here comes the naked guy sitting down right next to me, making himself feel right at home.

Rule #3: There are no mats in the locker room for a reason. So you want to stretch after (or before) your workout. Good for you! You're doing right by your muscles and joints. You may not know this, but many gyms come equipped with their very own room for that. Certainly there's an area with mats and balance balls. Do you know what this means? There is absolutely no reason why you have to stretch in the locker room. There's no room for that. And if you must ignore the rules and stretch in the locker room, please don't do it nearly or completely naked (see #1 above).

I typically don't see much of this, but regardless, good rule to keep in mind

Rule #4: There's a time and a place for making new friends. People don't generally like to talk to strangers when they're in a compromising position, i.e., in various states of undress in a locker room. If you feel the need to be a Chatty Cathy, take your cues from the person you're trying to engage. Does she avoid eye contact? Seem hurried in her answers? Blush? These behaviors may indicate the person would like you to stop talking to her.

There's nothing more awkward then the big hairy naked guy asking you how your swim went this morning or just simply trying to make small talk. I remember this one guy (while we were in the showers) trying to make small talk about the weather....c'mon. I find that the best way is to make absolutely zero eye contact and they'll eventually get the picture.

posted by Chad Holderbaum @ 8:48 PM Comments: 0